dear capitalist restaurant,
im a creep. im a loser. what the hell am i doing applying to kimchi grill?
well, i am not in need of your shit $$$ i’ll tell you that much.
frankly i just need something to keep me from spending all day reading about fracking, climate change, massive sea-life extinction, chemical leakage from plastic bottles used by children, rise of bi-polar among household pets, a ball of cigarette butts forming outside my window, the barrage of buzzfeed quizzes posted on my facebook feed, etc. etc.
i’m not interested in any take-over-the-world / kimchi-grill-in-every-home globalized bullshit so if i ever feel the company is getting a little too big for its britches ill quit.
also i support fair trade so if i’m delivering a tofu edamame falafel and the bloke at the door gives me a broken drum machine I’m inclined to take it as payment because thats a fair trade to me.
now whats all this of “a free meal daily”? oh, wow, every day? how fuckin generous of you! /sarc. feel free to give my meal to a starving child - oh, but what about the other 20 million starving kids in the country? i guess we tell them ‘better luck tomorr’w! kimchi grill’s gotta meet this quarters profit projections, right! and dont think of eatin leftovers from the garbage cause they make us pour bleach on it, the heartless cunts!”
and i wont be needing your gas stipend so shove that up your arse.
you see, when i used to drive, as a younger, read: naive, man i would catch myself staring unblinkingly into the steering wheel for hours at a time. ’hello airbag!’ i’d say. ’care to smash my face into a million pieces today?’ ‘care to thrust my nose into the back of my skull?”care to have my children be asked ‘whos that hideous man with the plastic airbag dangling from his mashed face?’ by other children and they have to reply ‘oh thats just my dad’ and the other child will say ‘why?’ and my child will say ‘because not enough innocent cunts had their fuckin faces smashed in to justify changing the airbag feature because the auto industry is run by greedy fuckin pigs!’ and the other child will say ‘oh’ and my child will say ‘so now my dad looks like the elephant man trying to eat a tire’
suffice it to say, i ride a bike now.
anyway i accept this position at your bullshit grill but i will need the next three days off due to existential fatigue. this happens every week or so.
also im in england. hope thats not a problem.
(originally posted on RockstarJobs.tumblr.com)