By Ralph Wigglesworth
I hate to say I told you so but when it comes to Obamacare; I told you so. Now that the plan is being implemented we are starting to see many of its shortcomings. I knew Obamacare—or the “Affordable Care Act” as it’s officially known—would present problems for hard-working Americans from day one. Which is why I spent so much time telling people “Obamacare is nazi socialism”.
The launch of the Federal health insurance exchange website, Healthcare.gov, has gone so poorly that Kathleen Sebelius has apologized to those Americans trying to sign up for Obamacare. Now I’ve never claimed to be a computer whiz or a Doctor of Health Insurance Policies but I saw this coming a mile away. This is the Death Panel in action. Obama is stealing our lives away 15-30 minutes at a time as we refresh HealthCare.Gov like Jewish slaves in a labor camp. Efrishend Macht Frei.
A poor website is one thing but it also turns out the White House knowingly misled Americans by telling them they would be allowed to keep their current Insurance plan. I’m overcome with sadness when I realize this could have been avoided, if more Americans had paid attention…back when I was forwarding emails of President Obama as a tribal witch doctor.
The innocent days of email forwards are over now. Obamacare has gone through months of open debate, been passed by congress, signed by the president, survived numerous calls for repeal, been upheld by the Supreme Court and seems to be here to stay. In a way, I almost feel silly now for taking a photo holding up a piece of my own poop to Photoshop President Obama’s face on it. But then I remember that win or lose, I was still an American citizen living free and having his voice heard!
It was a glorious time for democracy back when health care reform was first being hashed out. Americans of all stripes, although more white than red or blue, were gathering in town hall meetings ready to yell the truths we’d been given in pamphlets provided by FreedomWorks®. A Congressman would come out to meet his constituents and listen to the unfiltered thoughts of his fellow man. He’d suggest that uninsured children be given health care, and we’d start screaming the pledge of allegiance so close to his face that we were basically spitting on him. The more he wept, the louder we pledged!
It wasn’t just screams, emails, and photoshopped bigotry either—it was also actions. I stood protesting on the steps of the Supreme Court as I awaited their decision on the constitutionality of the Public Mandate. I chanted and sang as I held my side of the banner that read “My My Hey Hey Obamacare, Abortion, Nazi, Gay”
The first four words might have been nonsense but the message was clear. So when I see headlines about the Obamacare website having bugs, or the plan not being perfectly implemented I can’t help but think back with a sense of pride that we were right: Obama is black Hitler and Obamacare will kill us all.
(Oringinally appeared on Biased Reality: http://biasedreality.com/obama-is-hitler/)
Ralph Wigglesworth was a host of “The Great Debate” radio program from 2006 to 2008. He is the current President of the Americans Against the Communist Plot to Add Flouride to the Public Water Supply and runs the Facebook group “LIKE if you don’t like OBAMA”.
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8. Wildcard #2
On the timeline of an alternate Universe much like our own, Orson Welles did not die on October 10, 1985, but was in fact born for the first time. After a suburban childhood, Welles left to travel Europe. His father’s death left him an inheritance that allowed him to become another trust fund millennial taking up all the good spots in the hostels.
Once returning to the United States, he made a home in a five-bedroom loft in New York City, technically Bushwick. Europe had given him a love a theatre, so as soon as he could he joined a short-form improv group. They specialized in performing Shakespeare but with celebrity suggestions taken from the audience such as Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan. Their performances garnered some attention with one night’s version of Macbeth being declared “racist” by several blogs.
Looking to expand his skill-set, Welles recorded an episode for the theatre’s podcast. Welles read an adaptation of H.G. Wells’ The War of the Worlds. The podcast amounted to little more than a few concerned eyebrow-raises among subway riders who downloaded it simply because it was free. However some press was received as iTunes reviews poured in stating, “I thought this was real,” “This should have had a warning,” and “meh.”
Welles decided to use the notoriety to again expand his career. His eyes were now set on the wonders of moving images. He soon released his first Vine, an old man whispering his dying words: “Rosebud.” After receiving three re-Vines Welles, felt this was encouragement to expand the idea to a full-length feature.
Welles gained nearly 75% of his Kickstarter goal, mostly thanks to his mother and the rest of his inheritance. With this he was able to create what would become his magnum opus, Occupy Kane, the story of power and wealth told in a webseries of 47 parts. By the release of part 22, the YouTube views were already teetering around the 10s.
Much to Welles surprise, he had been nominated for an award in the category of Biggest Fail at that years Webbys. The webseries was panned by Splitsider, who claimed it to be “hard to follow” with “poor lighting” and “long takes that test the viewer’s patience.”
Around this time, Welles prolific nature was stifled. He had finished his fifth internship at his improv theatre and was still working full time as an administrative assistant at a start-up that focused on making ordering lunch with a smartphone even easier.
Welles spent his final days drunk and eating frozen peas. In fact, someone really should have been there to film him. It was quite funny and probably would have been the type of thing to really go viral on a site like Reddit.
Welles took his own life on May 6, 2013. His suicide note was a GIF of some old actress shrugging. It might have been Rita Hayworth. I don’t know. I don’t really watch old movies. They’re pretty boring.
(Originally posted on SPLITSIDER)
looks like someone was in the garage checking his tweets.